Life Update - Post Graduation Blues.

I know, I know. Its been awhile, I apologise for life once again getting in the way.

I thought I would come back on the blog today and delve into everything that I've been feeling recently since graduating. I graduated July 19th from the University of Essex, after studying for a long and strenuous three years I'm proud to say I graduated with a 2:1. There are no words to describe how hard I broke down in tears on my results day.

If you've ever read my old blogposts on my university experience you would know it wasn't the best experience at times. I struggled with balancing my mental health and grades at the same time which led to me finishing second year with a low 2:2, almost a 3rd which meant I had to work my butt off to get a 2:1 overall. There is nothing wrong with a 2:2 but I knew I was capable of more and that's not what I wanted to graduate with. I knew my family would be proud of me but they would want / expect better of me. I finished third year with a 69, 1 mark off a first for the year and with that, I was able to finish my degree with a 2:1 overall.

I cried and cried on the phone to my mum, I couldn't believe that I was able to do it, to make them proud of me.

Weeks have passed and I knew finding full time work would be hard but its been hitting me a bit harder these last few days and I've been struggling with not looking at friends who have been able to find work and compare myself. For a few weeks I landed a position freelancing for a magazine but it was never going to be full time and it was nice to work in an amazing environment full of such inspiring and loving people.

It's been a bit harder as even though I studied psychology, that's not the field I want to go into. Psychology as amazing as it is, I feel like I have to crush my creative side down and even though I know I'd still be able to do photography and content creating on weekends. I know that I won't, I'll use my spare time to recover from work and eventually just forget about it. Content creation makes me happy, no part of it ever feels draining to me, I find myself looking forward to shoots, putting ideas together and editing after (I can't tell you how many times I've said the same thing to strangers recently).

Its been a trying time period for me but I've been distracting myself with working on my content when I'm not scrambling to apply for jobs. Opportunities are coming through here and there with my photography but nothing consistent enough for me to take that leap.

I've been trying to look for signs but they haven't really been there and things keep falling through, so right now I'm not really sure what to make of what life is trying to tell me. I'm trying to take each day as it comes but some days I can't help but think about the future and how everything feels uncertain for me. I guess that's what adulting is and its a horrible feeling but you just have to grin and get on with it. I know the God I serve won't fail me but I'm struggling to even have the faith of a mustard seed. He has done it for others and I know he will do it for me, I just need to be patient.

Excuse the heavy negativity in this post, I think a vent was due as these feelings have been bottled up in me for awhile, from now on I'm going to walk in the spirit of "we move", no matter what setbacks and problems I face over the coming weeks I'm going to push through them and let them roll off like water off a ducks back.

until the next post,
with love yossy.

What's your opinion?

  1. I appreciate that you were so open and honest with in this post! I may not be the sign you need but I just want to say your photography is beautiful and inspiring! I have loved watching you grow even before we became online acquaintances! Can I just say I am also proud of you, you may not see it yourself but you've done so well, I can't wait to see you grow so much more in the future because I know will! The future holds so much for you Yossy and I'll always be happy to support you in the background


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